SETTING GOALS DURING THIS NEW SEASON
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>> accountability, achieve, attainable, commitment, goal setting, measureable, motivation, productivity, reflect, SMART goals, time oriented
SETTING GOALS DURING THIS NEW SEASON
By: Destiny M. Johnson
During this new season of ambiguity, one might find themselves searching for meaning and direction. Things that felt so common and routine like leaving the house to attend an event, going to get food, or going for a walk have decreased due to the easily transmitted and wide spread of coronavirus, COVID- 19. The typical day for many individuals has changed and left much uncertainty about the future. Some pressing questions may be, how do I find normalcy when things keep shifting and changing? How do I make a schedule that fits my new lifestyle of being home with children? How can I still progress in my career while managing homeschooling? How do I measure my productivity?
Although these questions are arising, take heart in knowing you are not alone during this difficult time. Many are in transition and taking stake of what is important to them. Adjusting and setting goals to enhance productivity doing this new season is essential during this time.
Why making goals and writing them down are important?
Setting goals are important because they provide tangible productivity, direction, and degrees of purpose to one’s life. Goal setting yields many with the opportunity to become intentional and an active participant in their life rather than a bystander. Goals allow for everyone to seek out and define objectives and aim to complete them.
Did you know, you are more likely to accomplish a goal if you write them down? Writing down Goals can free up space in your mind, so you can focus on other things or more specifically on things that matter. Also writing down goals helps you remember them and stay attentive to what you want to accomplish.
Here are some tips for Goal Setting:
Define your WHY…. for Setting Goals
· It is good to identify why you want to accomplish a goal. Is this goal for you or others? Why is this goal important to you? Who does the goal serve? What is the purpose of your goal? Is this a Project Goal, Personal Goal, Career Goal, Passion Goal etc.
Find you Motivation
· Ask yourself, what and who is your motivation? Is this Intrinsic or extrinsic motivation? Intrinsic motivation definition refers to behavior that is driven by natural and inborn satisfaction. Someone with this motivation looks for an internal reward such as personal growth and development. There is a strong personal desire to thrive that energies a person to complete a task. The opposite is extrinsic motivation, which is driven by others recognition or external rewards or to avoid punishment. Rewards or incentives can be praise, promotion, fame, or money. Either types of motivations can be used however, it is vital to know where your motivation comes from. Knowing where your motivation stems from will allow you to draw from that place if fatigue begins to occur during your process toward achieving your goal.
Determine the Duration
· Establish if the goal is short-term, weekly, monthly, or long-term and if you are willing to commit to the duration.
Set S.M.A.R.T. Goals.
S.M.A.R.T. Goals are effective because they are:
· Specific – They are clearly defined and identify your uniqueness. Define what you want and do not be vague. Clearly defined goals help you stay on track, so you do not drift away or change the goal midway because it was too general.
· Measurable – They can be quantifiable and able to be proven.
· Attainable – They are reasonable to manage and possible to be achieved. Be honest with yourself and set goals that can be successfully completed.
· Realistic – They are a true representation of you and relevant to who you are. Make it personal!
· Time Oriented – They are planned with a beginning and an ending, deadline, or timetable. Do not fall into a cycle of starting a goal with no set timing of accomplishing the goal. Time sets the boundary and can help with accountability.
You can create goals in bite sizes. This format of goal setting will help guide you, track progress along the way, provide accountability based on the time you have set for yourself and ultimately help you reach completion.
Have Accountability
· Use of technology such as reminders and notes on cell phones, excel spreadsheets, computer software, etc. Also, Apps to track progress are great. Some tracking apps that can be used are goal setting tracker, daily planner, todoist, trello, and Monday.
· Journaling and writing down goals using a planner are great accountability. Other fun alternatives are using post it notes, dry erase board, vision board with goals or even writing goals on a mirror. Visibility of goals remind you that you are working toward something and help you manifest them.
· Accountability Partner or Group. Who is in your circle of influence and supports you? Reach out to those family or friends for support and let them in. This connection will help you when things get hard and they will also be there to help celebrate your progress.
Revisit, Reflect, Recalibrate
Not all goals are easy to accomplish therefore, revisit the goal and take time to reflect. It is necessary to check on your progress periodically throughout your process. Remember reflection is part of the journey. Take inventory on where you are mentally and emotionally. Reflection will help you determine if things are going well or if things need to be recalibrated for more efficiency. It is okay to modify the goal, this does not mean you have failed. Things change and we must adjust and keep moving forward.
Trust the Process
Understand that hiccups may occur so be patient with yourself and be open to the process. Achieving goals have their highs and lows and require resiliency. Pace yourself but do not be afraid to push past uncomfortability. Be kind, be gentle, and take care of yourself. Some goals require mental and emotional strength, time, money, and effort. Whatever the goal may need trust that if you are doing your part it will all work out.
Celebrate the Progress and the Wins
Do not forget to clap for yourself. The finish line is not the most important part of the race. The journey tends to be what you spend the most time on, so celebrate each milestone no matter how small. Then when you accomplish what you set out do it big you deserve it.
Have you ever been in a social situation and didn’t know what to say? Social anxiety can lead to avoiding starting conversations because of our insecurities. We might think that we don’t have anything interesting to say or that people wouldn’t care about our opinions. How many times have you been to a party, or a conference, or out for an evening of fun, and seen people that you’d like to get to know. But rather than allowing yourself to be vulnerable and exposing your interest, you chose to avoid approaching them? Though these worries may be common for many people, it is extremely difficult for the people with social anxiety.
If you have social anxiety, and would like to take some steps towards overcoming this concern, answer the following questions:
1- What is the worst that could happen?
2- Will introducing yourself result in being criticized or teased?
3- If you don’t hit it off with someone right away does that mean you won’t ever get along with another stranger?
If you really think about numbers two and three, the answer is probably “no.” What’s likely to happen when you have a small conversation with someone is that it may not lead into something meaningful; however, the practice of starting such conversations will help you build some confidence to approaching more people. Eventually starting conversations will lead to the possibility of developing more meaningful and deeper relationships. Think about it: we’re all strangers before we become friends, associates, colleagues, or even lovers.
In order to better prepare you for starting a conversation in any situation, we have four tips for you to try.
First, don’t worry about the first words out of your mouth being the funniest, cleverest or most meaningful openers. It is common for someone with social anxiety to have the perfect approach, and opening. We are very critical of ourselves. A casual introduction or comment on the weather works just fine. For example, “I noticed your smile and think it’s very endearing.”
Second, depending on where you are when meeting someone, you can ask rely on comments pertaining to your current surroundings. If you are at an event, you could ask how the other person knows the host. Or whether they’ve been part of the event in the past.
Third, talk about a positive aspect rather than a negative experience. It’s not fun for people to hear negativity.
Fourth, ask open-ended questions and maintain a good balance of comments, stories, and questions. Be sure not to ask too many questions consecutively. And also make sure you’re not the only one talking. Oftentimes it is easier for the socially anxious person to ask questions and take the attention away from themselves.
These four tips can be practiced in a safe setting such as a social anxiety group before you take them into the world. Each time you initiate a conversation, it will get easier. Moreover, the more you practice, the easier it gets. Conversations are wonderful learning tools. Once you have developed a few simple skills, you will be on the road to developing more meaningful relationships.
“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.” ~James Nathan Miller
Examples of Conversation Starters
1. “I don’t know anyone around here so I thought I’d come talk to you.” or “I’m a little nervous talking with strangers, but I just had to come say hi.”
2. Talk about something you know the person is interested in. “What about the game last night!” “Yankees (or other team) aren’t doing so well this season.” Or “Your flowers are looking lovely.”
3. “You look like a [lawyer/CEO/baker/some noble profession].” The person is bound to ask why you guessed that particular profession
4. Talk about a funny, embarrassing moment.
5. “What’d you get up to earlier today?
6. ‘You look lost. Do you need help?”
7. My daughter’s birthday party is this weekend. It’s taken so much planning! What do you do for your kids’ birthday parties.
8. I bet you $50 you’re gonna turn me down.
9. ‘I notice that you bought some apple cider vinegar. I have always wondered, what are the health benefits?’
10. That’s an interesting T-shirt. What does that symbol stands for?’
11. Do you have any trips coming up?
12. Are you watching Game of Thrones? House of Cards? Enter popular TV show here __________?
13. I’m planning a special occasion meal. Do you have any restaurant recommendations?
14. I’m looking for a new book? I really enjoy (biographies, fiction, sci-fi) Have you read any good books lately?
15. I love your necklace, tie, ring, brooch? Where did you get it?
16. Are you looking forward to anything special this week?
17. How did you hear about this event? How do you know the host of the party? Do you come here often?
18. Did you have a chance to listen to the news today? I didn’t have time to check in. Did I miss anything?
19. What are you passionate about?
Support Group for Adults experiencing Social Anxiety
Facilitated by: Anita Avedian, MFT
New Group Starting on Wednesday, June 6, 2012, at 6:30 PM in Sherman Oaks.
Do you avoid social situations? Do you worry about what others are thinking while you’re in public, at school, at the mall, or in social situations? Not sure what to say when people approach you?
If you have answered “YES”, contact Anita TODAY!
This group helps participants:
- Feel more comfortable and confident in feared social situations.
- Increase the ability to express themselves.
- Learn to be more comfortable with other’s perception of them.
- Reflect on interpersonal skills.
- Identify patterns in life, and find more constructive ways to cope.
- And MORE…
FREE half hour consultation with Anita prior to entering the group!
$225/ month
Contact Anita Avedian at (818) 426-2495 for further information.
You may also visit her website at www.AnitaAvedian.com.
New Social Anxiety and Shyness Support Group for Adults. Facilitated by Anita Avedian, MFT. Co-ed group is now forming. Start date for the group is scheduled for Tuesday, October 25. This group will either meet at 12 or 6:30 PM. Cognitive-Behavioral, TFT and EFT are used. $225 fee is prepaid monthly. Free 30-minute intake prior to entering the group. Contact Anita Avedian at (818) 426-2495 for further information. www.AnitaAvedian.com.
The Social Anxiety and Shyness Support group is designed to help socially anxious and shy individuals to work through their discomfort with social settings. If you suffer with social anxiety and/or shyness, you may benefit from this group. You may find yourself avoiding social situations, which oftentimes interferes with relationships and daily activities. You may avoid situations such as social events with work, interviews, or having friends over for dinner.
Expressing your opinion can be difficult since you may fear being judged by others. In this group, you will have the opportunity to be in a safe environment where you could learn about social anxiety and the skills to help you work through difficult situations. By participating in this group, you will have the opportunity to practice the newly learned skills within the group, as well as with your surroundings. In time, goals will be set to practice learned skills outside of the group to help you work through your social anxiety. There are field trips as part of the group where you may be challenged to approach people in a public setting. Behavioral work is necessary when trying to treat social anxiety and social phobia.
If you do have a PPO plan through your insurance, I can provide a superbill for you to receive reimbursement. If you have any questions about this group, please contact me at (818) 426-2495 or email at avediana@aol.com.
